When The Sky Falls In

A personal, poignant and powerfully honest look at one woman’s journey through grief and how she survived it. Janet felt the need to record the confusing and heart breaking emotions of devastating loss.

Every day she would note how the world both stayed the same and changed forever.

Whilst writing she began to realise that this was a journey she could and wanted to share with others. She felt that many people would be able to connect with the words and emotions expressed. It includes stories of Bertie the cat who came to visit and a second hand bike that took her outdoors - and started the healing. Janet also tells of a small envelope that her mum left for her. Still unopened.

With passion, insight and a little wit the story unfolds to evoke emotions, thoughts, ideas and questions about life and loss - and how to survive the devastation of grief.

Ultimately it is about the loss of people that we love - whether they be parents, relatives, relationships or friends - and how we try to negotiate the journey through a life changed forever.

Extracts from 'When The Sky Falls In'

He saved my life. A cat came by and stayed.
The cat flap flapped - and in he came to sit next to me on the settee. I called him Bertie.

For over fifty years it had held life.
The family home full of love and laughter.
And now it is empty. Quiet and still. A house no longer a home. Look around you and you will see what remains. Full of clothes and loved processions – souvenirs and photographs. You could ring the bell but no-one will come to the door and as you use your key you enter a cool sanctuary that has not yet been disturbed.

Supermarkets are extraordinary places.
Very large buildings stuffed from floor to ceiling with food and people. It is a good place to go when you are lonely. It is amazing how long you can wander, often not spending much - and how invisible you can become.

Slowly slowly – very slowly you get through the days.
One day at a time. I have taken my bike out of the outhouse. I put on my helmet – and already I feel fitter. It is beginning to feel good.

There is something wonderful about the want and need to hang onto the possessions of the loved one who has gone.

It was a desperate week and I had never been to a show such as this.
I sat alone in the theatre and the ‘medium’ came on stage wearing a bright blue sequined jacket. I was being distracted by the noise of sweet wrappers. I moved seats when the three women next to me brought out Curly Wurlys to share. It seemed a little disrespectful.

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Grief

"And then it happened. The very worst and she was no longer there. Anywhere. Nowhere. Gone..."

So here it is. Someone has died and you have no idea how to comfort, or say the right words, to the bereaved. You practise the words in your head but somehow they don’t seem enough. You can see the distress, the tears, the loss and the emotional pain - and you have perhaps a minute to say something to make a difference. Words are often well meant but can words ever comfort or heal? Maybe you could just cross over to the other side of the road - and say nothing.

Or you may be tempted to say:

‘How are you doing?’ ‘You are looking lot better’. You may feel you want to give advice. ‘It will get better’. ‘You will get better’ ‘You will get through it’. ‘Life goes on’. This may feel right to you but it may not work for them. When I was at the very early stages of grieving all of the above and more was said to me - and although well meant the words often hurt. Often it was not what I wanted to hear. So - what to say?

They say that grief is a very lonely place. It isolates and separates you.

So perhaps you could just say ‘I am so sorry for your loss’. Allow them to talk - even if you have heard it many times before. You may not want to hear the same story over and over again but the need for the bereaved to repeat details is often overwhelming. It sometimes makes uncomfortable listening and you may wonder how long they will need to keep talking about their loss and when you can leave them to it!

You may want them to move on. To protect you from their grief. But this is your timetable - not theirs. Let them breathe their own rhythm as they grieve. Grief and loss are so emotionally difficult and exhausting for everyone but if you can stay calm in the middle of their life changing storm then you have done your very best. And they will be comfortable with you and your understanding and reach out to you when they can.

"I am sorry for your loss"

If you would like to discuss or comment on 'How Not to Greet Grief' please do contact me.

Buy
'When The Sky Falls In'

You can also read more about the author Janet Gershlick.

If you should decide to buy both books together you can do so below and a discount will be applied.

Buy both
"When The Sky Falls In"
and
'Southwold. A Place to Love'